Maybe to no one's surprise but my own, I forged a different path to independence than I originally set out when I was in 4th grade. It turns out the blueprint I thought was so solid is actually a working draft with continuous edits. The crux of a blank canvas— the amazing privilege to create endless possibilities and yet...those endless possibilities are the root of my analysis paralysis. Now I am by no means complaining about this luxury (all I hear in my head are the hilarious "white/rich people problems" jokes). I feel extremely fortunate to have this problem. BUT now that I've acknowledged this, I can feel better about the next series of over dramatic tangents/statements...
Don't you just hate when you are feeling down about something and the person you tell says something to the effect of, "Well at least you're not starving like the children in Africa." Can I pause for a moment and just ask why people always say Africa? Don't people know there are plenty of starving people (not just children) in America too? Maybe it makes people feel better to say Africa because we are under the assumption that all the deprived citizens in the United States are only without due to their own choices. Either way, responses like this irk me for a number of reasons. Aside from the statement itself, don't people know saying this doesn't magically make the issue you are complaining about disappear? Doesn't he/she realize all you're looking for is someone to momentarily join your pity party because you can't have a party with just one? Moreover, now you're left with the same emotional shit you started with, but now you're also frustrated that you poured your maybe irrational feelings out to someone who either A) wasn't listening, B) was listening and doesn't care and/or is uncomfortable with anything that doesn't have the word "happy in it or C) thinks your fortunate ass isn't entitled to complain about anything when they in fact have real problems you're not helping them find a solution to. Everyone has someone like this in their life, but I wonder why we keep going to those people and expecting different results; after all that IS the definition of insanity.
Regardless, the caliber of MY problem can only be measured by MY own feelings about MY situation. Contrary to popular belief I don't think misery loves company, but misery would sure like compassion to be his/her bestie every now and again. Sometimes you just need compassion to come and help you stick your head out of that murky bubble to expose the beautiful sunny skies you're missing out on—and to show you when you're ready, the sun will still be there.
Now back to the blank canvas, "What is my life purpose/passion/calling/(insert any other life directive adjective)". As a person who likes to make a plan and then execute it in the most efficient way possible, I suspect I will need to make some modifications and take a different approach on this one. I place a lot of stock in the belief that we all have A LOT of things we're meant to do and there's no use in pushing it because they won't come all at once. In due time, each will manifest themselves at the appropriate points on our journey. I can't deny that patience isn't a bitch and I don't expect to figure it all out today, but let's stop hitting replay on the same bad movie because we're not meant for a colorless existence. I am grateful and honored for all the opportunities that come my way and I embrace them all, good and bad, because they enrich the woman I continue to work on becoming.
Happy Hump Day!
